Love vs Lust
by StephyMarie
Summary: CnM may not have the picture perfect relationship afterall.
1. LvL1

Love vs Lust

  
  


Hey! I am actually back! :p Well, this is inspired from a dream I had last night, so I thought I had to write it! Hope you all enjoy! :) It's also not completely original, but it's also not a copied idea from another fic. It takes place in the middle of season 6. It's short, but it's only a chapter. It moves a little fast, but that's because the real story starts in the next chapter. Enjoy! 

Chapter 1

Chandler awoke alone in bed once again this week. It seemed that waking up alone was beginning to become a routine and not one that he would grow a liking for. Slowly, Chandler raised his tired body out of bed and stretched out his stiff muscles. Tiredly, he walked out of his bedroom and into his living room to see Monica eating breakfast with Phoebe. "Hey Pheebs," Chandler said as he walked to the table. He kissed Monica's hair which she had seemed to turn away from and softly said, 'Good morning, babe."

"Hey, Chandler, I was thinking about going to a dollar store to get some shnazzy stuff for mine and Rach's apartment. You want to come?" Phoebe asked politely.

"Why can't Monica go with you?" Chandler asked confused to why Phoebe would ask him.

Phoebe looks at Monica trying to search for an answer but can't. "Umm, well, you have a green shirt on. An they like green." Phoebe said slowly knowing that it was one of the weirder things she had said this week.

Chandler, not knowing how to respond to that, said, "Well, I guess I could do it for the greens. I mean summer's not coming too soon right?" His attempt to make a joke about that was horrible, but he was Chandler. He had a reputation to keep and making a joke about the weird things Phoebe said was a part of the rules. This one was just not as easy.

Monica, finally coming to life, stood up to put her dishes away. She turned around and sighed. "Well, I have to get going. By guys." Monica smiled as she walked out of the door.

"Phoebe, is there something up with Monica or am I just seeing things?" Chandler asked curiously as he stared at the door.

"You're seeing things!" Phoebe responded rather quickly.

"Huh," Chandler sighed as he still kept his eyes on the door.

****

"And the Paleolithic Age consisted of our early hunters and gatherers. Now, I know you're all wondering how a human in that age would be able to defend himself over an animal, but humans had an advantage. Do any of you know what that would be?" There was complete silence in the room. "Well, apposable thumbs!!" Ross said with enthusiasm in his voice. "Our thumbs are more important than we think, you know. To prove that true, I want you all to attempt tying your shoes with only your fingers." Ross said as he leaned on the chalkboard. "Oh man," he said softly to himself, for he had gotten chalk all over his black suit. "Chandler! What are you doing here?" He whispered at the door as he saw his friend nearly falling asleep standing.

"I have to talk to you. Are you almost done your incredibly interesting lecture and chalk show?" Chandler asked with a small smirk. 

"Yeah, give me about five minutes!" Ross whispered back and then looked at his class who were all unsuccessfully trying to tie their shoes with only four fingers. "A little harder than we thought it would be wasn't it? Well, that's all for today everyone. I'll be expecting your papers on the Lucy, Friday." Ross announced and then turned his attention back to Chandler. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. I find this all kind of funny." Chandler smiled.

"Oh, my lecture? Oh, it is fascinating. Did you see the part where I was talking about the homo erectus?" Ross asked enthused.

"Sadly, I did miss that." Chandler replied sarcastically, "Maybe next time!" Chandler said with the same tone in his voice.

  
  


"Yeah, maybe." Ross said catching on to the fact that Chandler was just kidding. "Why are you actually here?"

"Have you noticed anything strange in Monica?" Chandler asked rather slowly a little scared of bringing it up.

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, I think the spark is gone. At least hers is." Chandler admitted sadly.

"What?! You mean between you and Monica?" Ross asked.

"No, me and Aggripina." Chandler responded dryly.

"It's Aggripina and I. Anyway, that I can see. She did poison her husband." Ross said smiling just a little about the insane Roman, but he couldn't believe what he was hearing from Chandler.

"Ever since we've moved in together, I feel like she's been resenting me. She gets up extra early, she never talks to me, and she's always with Phoebe and Rachel." Chandler said getting serious.

"I'm sure it's nothing, man. It's Monica, she adores you." Ross assured him.

"I am not so sure about that anymore, man," Chandler admitted softly.

****

"Rach, there's a sale at Bloomingdale's tonight, you in?" Monica asked casually as she walked into Phoebe's and Rachel's apartment.

"Do you even have to ask?!" Rachel grinned excitedly. "Mon, are you ok?" She asked her friend who was seated on the couch in her own little world. 

"I'm great, why?" Monica asked with a force smile.

"It's just that ever since Chandler has moved in, you've been here." Rachel told her quietly.

"I know. I want to spend some time with my friends. Is that a crime?" Monica asked a little hostile to Rachel's question.

"Mon, you can talk to me." Rachel said trying to be convincing.

"I don't know what's wrong, ok?" Monica whined. " I feel like everything is changing, and I want them to go back to being the way they were."

"The way they were when, Mon?" Rachel asked.

"Before London," Monica admitted softly. She was near tears.

"Before you and Chandler? Monica, did you two have a fight?" 

"No." 

"Then what's the problem? You and Chandler are perfect for each other!" Rachel practically screamed trying to knock some sense into her friend's head.

"But are we Rach? Ever since he's moved in, he's been a mess. Putting the phone pen in the wrong place, moving the trash around, leaving his clothes on the floor in the bedroom. He's a slob, and you know how much I can't live with that!" Monica admitted very quickly almost as if she was quickly analyzing everything she said.

"That's all?" Rachel laughed. "Come on, Monica. Be reasonable here!"

"I am being reasonable! And he's not romantic with me, and his jokes are just getting annoying. He's annoying me Rachel!"

  
  


"Is that really all? Just talk to him." Rachel said confused to Monica's words.

"That's not everything....... There's someone else." Monica admitted looking away.

"You cheated on Chandler?" Rachel gasped.

"No!!! Umm... He's a costumer at work that has been asking me out this past week, and the more I get to know him, the more I realize he's perfect for me and Chandler's not. I can't even look at Chandler anymore, but with Greg, it's new. I feel like a woman with Greg." Monica admitted.

"So you're going to break Chandler's heart? A guy that overcame most of his fears of commitment for you. Who was one of your best friends. And for something new?" Rachel asked afraid. Was Monica seriously going to end things with Chandler?

"I don't know, Rachel. What should I do?" Monica asked confused. She loved Chandler, but she felt like that relationship was going down the drain. 

"I got it!" Rachel yelled in triumph. "Ok, go on one innocent date with this Greg guy and see if he's perfect for you." Rachel knew that Monica would realize how crazy she was being if she could just take a second and think.

"You really think that would work?" Monica asked unsure. She hated that she might be the one to break Chandler's heart, but it was her life, and she wouldn't not be held back just because she was scared.

"Mon, do you love Chandler?" 

"I don't know anymore, Rach. I wish there was some kind of sign that would tell me, but I don't know." Monica sobbed.

"Shhh.. It will be ok," Rachel comforted soothingly. She hugged Monica and rocked her back and forth hoping Monica would calm down and see what she was throwing away.

****

"Hey, Mon, I'm home!" Chandler called out, but there was no answer. "Mon? I guess she's not here." Chandler said to himself. As he took off his coat and hung it, the door opened. "Mon?"

"No, it's just me." Joey announced.

"Hey Joe, have you seen Monica?" Chandler asked.

"She's at a sale with, Rachel." 

"Oh, so what are you up to?"

"I have a date!" Joey smiled. "I came here for food!" He said as he rushed over to the fridge. "I haven't eaten all day." He told Chandler as he was chewing some left over chicken that was in the fridge.

"Oh, that must have been torture." Chandler quipped dryly and basically let his body fall onto the couch.

"Are you ok?" Joey asked a little concerned. 

"I'll be fine." Chandler said sadly.

"Hey, do you want me to call off my date? We can go to a sports bar and have some fun?" Joey asked.

"You don't have to.." Chandler said slowly. "Would you?"

****

Monica walked out of Bloomingdale's with Rachel. "Now, that is what I call shopping!" Monica grinned.

  
  


"Yeah," Rachel responded a little angry.

"Oh, come on! That was fun. Admit it."

"Before or after you told that woman that you had cancer and needed that one shirt. Or when you body checked that little man for the beige capris."

"Hey, they look great on me!" Monica defended.

"Not that great," Rachel mumbled.

"What did you say? Oh, it doesn't matter." Monica smiled softly, but quickly it disappeared. "I made the date with Greg today. For this Friday, so can you keep Chandler company?" Monica asked.

"I guess, but I don't like this." Rachel said.

"Me neither, Rach, but I have to know. You understand that right?" Monica was feeling more guilty about this than ever, but if there was a chance that someone else was her soul mate, she should, right?

"Do what you have to do, Mon." Rachel whispered as she kept walking.

****

"Go KNICKS!!" Joey screamed in the bar with a mug of beer in his left hand. "Is this great or what?!" Joey asked excitedly to Chandler.

Chandler smiled, "It's great! Ohh! SHOOT!!!! Come on!! YES!!!!!!" Chandler jumped up and did a small jig for the entire bar to see. "I guess I got a little too excited there," he admitted a little ashamed to everyone there.

"I thought you looked great," said one of the ladies.

"Really? I could do it again." Chandler joked.

"I'm Melissa." she let out a small laugh as she said that and put her hand out.

"I'm Chandler," he introduced while shaking her hand. "You like the Knicks?" he asked, his eyes pointing toward the small TV in the corner of the bar.

"I love them." She smiled.

"Well, why don't you join my friend and I? Joey, this is Melissa, Melissa this is my friend Joey."

"Hey!" Joey greeted and turned his attention back to the TV.

"Have a seat," Chandler smiled, and the two put their energy into watching the TV again.

To be continued...

  
  


Tell me what you think. This is not the normal kind of fic I would write, but hey, we could all use change. I will try to get the second part up asap. I'll try to continue Love Me Still in this century, but I haven't had the time or energy. I have more time now, so we'll see.


	2. LvL2

Wow! I actually wrote something! The truth is that I had no time during the year to write any fanfiction, and I had started losing interest in the show. I got myself back to loving it again, so here I am. This is only chapter to remember, and a lot more is going to happen. Think of this as the rough start. So anyway, please read and tell me what you think. Oh, and I will try to continue Love Me Still in the future because I had so many ideas for that fic, but it's been a really hard year for me. Anyway, I should really stop rambling.

  
  
Chapter 2   
  


Monica put on the last finishing touches to her make-up. She had to admit, she looked great although her looks did not reflect what she was feeling in her heart. Her outward appearance was almost a foil to her feelings; however, this had to be done. As much as she loves Chandler, he just does not make her feel special. The relationship feels too awkward and boring. She wanted that rush again of being with someone new. She knew she was acting completely selfish, but she didn't know what else to do. She stared at herself again examining her appearance. She wanted to look perfect. It was nice getting all dressed up again. Softly, she sighed letting out all of her guilty emotions and walked into Phoebe's and Rachel's living room. "How do I look?" she asked smiling.

"You look great, Mon." Rachel commented; however what she wanted to ask was whether this worth throwing away the love of her life.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Phoebe asked.

"I'm sure,"Monica smiled, but she was anything but sure. Before she could continue to analyze the situation further, there was a soft knock on the door. "This is it," Monica mumbled to herself.

When Greg walked inside, he grinned. Phoebe noticed this, and she wasn't very happy about it. He really liked Monica, and when she looked back to see Monica's eyes, she saw the same. All she could think about was Chandler's face when he sees this, and he will see this. Knowing Monica, this date wasn't a way to escape for a night, it was a way to move on in life. She wondered what Chandler would feel.

* * *

Chandler walked into the bar and saw Melissa with a few friends sitting in a booth. Immediately, she caught his eye and walked up to him. "What are you doing here?" She asked smiling at him. 

"No one was home, so I figured I would come by and see what's going on," Chandler smiled. Why didn't he joke? Usually he would have a quirk to a line like that, for it was the perfect set up. Maybe he was just too tired to care.

"I am starved! Do you wanna go get something to eat?" Melissa asked while pulling him out of the bar.

"Well, how can I say no?" Chandler asked grinning.

* * *

Monica and Greg were seated at a nice table enjoying their dinner thoroughly. They talked about their jobs, their lives, and any little thing they may have seen. They clicked, and Monica knew this. When she was with him, she couldn't help but listen to him; however, none of the feelings she had were romantic. She felt like she was just having dinner with a good friend. She didn't know whether she was relieved or not, and she didn't know whether this would turn into more. All she knew at this very second was that Greg was great company, and he was interesting. Suddenly a song began to play, "Can't Help Falling In Love", but it was just the instrumental of the song. Monica went through the words in her mind. She thought about when she first realized she loved Chandler, this song was on, and it made the love she felt for him stronger because the song communicated exactly what she had felt. 

* * *

Chandler walked into a random restaurant with Melissa on his arm. They had just been laughing about Chandler walking into the stop sign. Soon they were told to quite down by a few of the waiters who where serving other customers. As soon as they were shown to their table, Chandler noticed the song in the background,"Can't Help Falling In Love". He remembered Monica tell him this was the song that she had heard when she realized she loved him. He smiled at the melody, but then had waken up to reality when Melissa started talking about her Hamster's love for Seinfeld. 

* * *

"Would you like to dance, Monica?" asked Greg politely.   
  


"Can we wait until the next song?" she asked and then continued, "I would just like to finish my dinner first." It was a lie, but if she danced with him to this song, it would be like saying all of her love to Chandler had drifted, and she knew that was not true.

* * *

Chandler scanned the room, and he noticed Monica smiling and laughing with another man. He could not say that he was completely shocked, for this explained her distant behaviour. He was hurt. Very hurt. "Can you excuse me for a second, Melissa?" Chandler asked while standing. 

"Oh yeah, don't be too long," she smiled.

Chandler avoided Monica's table and walked to the mens room.

* * *

"Can you excuse me for a second, Greg? I need to go to the washroom." Monica stated and rose from her seat. 

As Monica headed toward the bathroom she noticed a man exiting from the mens room. When she got a second glance at him, she realized who it was. "Chandler..." she whispered.

"Hi," replied Chandler in a small whisper. 

"W-W-What are you doing here?" asked Monica nervously.

"I am here with a friend," He said and pointed at Melissa's figure.

"A woman friend?"Monica asked a little jealous.

"Oh no, nothing like that. We were just hungry. I met her yesterday at the bar with Joey." Chandler reassured. He didn't feel anything for Melissa past friendship, right? "I see you're here on a date," Chandler said softly avoiding eye contact. "You look great."

There was no lying to him, "His name is Greg."

"So this is why you've been so distant, you've been cheating on me." Chandler accused still not looking at her.

"No!.."

"Look, I don't want you to make excuses," Chandler cut in, " I see the way you look at him! I have been so blind haven't I? Your distant behaviour should have told me. I have to get out of here. I can't even look at you right now!" Chandler spat out quickly. He was hurting, and he couldn't deal with it, not here.

"Chandler!" Monica called out with tears in her eyes.

"Just.. Don't!" With that, Chandler walked to his table, said something to his woman friend, and was gone. Monica looked at the woman. She seemed a little hurt; however she saw some other man and began talking to him. Chandler wasn't on a date.

"Monica, are you ok?" Greg asked.

"No," Monica answered. "Will you please excuse me?" With that, she was gone.

* * *

When Monica entered her and Chandler's apartment, she noticed the bedroom light on. He was there. 

"Chandler..." Monica whispered like she had done at the restaurant. "You've been crying."

"It's not everyday the woman you love cheats on you," Chandler chuckled. "I should have expected this. A great woman like you wanting a pathetic guy like me. It was too good to be true."

"Chandler! I didn't cheat on you..." Monica admitted. "He and I have never even kissed."

"Then why were there?" Chandler asked as he started packing.

"I-I- was on a date to see if I felt anything for him," Monica admitted starting to cry.

"Do you?" Chandler asked.

At this point the tears in Monica's eyes were streaming down her cheeks, and she made no attempt to push them away. "I don't know."

"You don't know?! That's just great! So what the hell am I supposed to do, Monica?! Wait and see if you feel something for him?!"

Monica continued to cry, "I am so sorry, Chandler. We were getting too routine, and I couldn't stand it."

"So you just go out and find someone else."

"It's not like that! He was a customer at the restaurant, and we just clicked."

"I don't want to hear this. Maybe it's better if we just end it here before we actually do start cheating." Chandler said not believing that such words could escape his mouth.

"Break up? Chandler I don't.." Monica started to say but chose a different approach. "I love you."

"Don't... I can't do this right now." Chandler said while exiting the room; however, Monica chased after him.

"Is this it?" Monica asked crying.

"For now," replied Chandler with tears in his eyes. "I don't know what to do anymore. I love you, Mon, and you are bored with me. I can't believe you could do this to me. . . I have to get out off here" He then left the apartment and left Monica who ran to the couch and broke down.

At that moment the door opened and Rachel walked in. "Hey, Mon, I was wondering if I could borrow..." She then saw Monica on the couch sobbing. "Mon, honey? What's wrong?"

"It's over," Monica replied within sobs. 

* * *

TBC- yes, it's short, I know. :p Anyway, please read and review. And everyone who's mad about the cnm break up.. Remember I am a huge CnM fan too, so I wouldn't get mad yet :p 


	3. LvL3

Whew! I continued pretty fast! *pats self on back* 

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Well, the little voice in my head thinks I do.

  
  


Chapter 3

Three days had passed since Chandler and Monica's confrontation, and still there was no resolution. They were both civil enough to sit in Central Perk together; however, they would not sit close to each other, and would not allow themselves to look at the other. It was over, and they had to accept that. 

Chandler, after a long day at work, walked into the apartment that was formally shared by Monica and himself. He was hoping she would be out because all he wanted to do was pack his things. He didn't want to fight, and every time they were alone together, that was just what they would do. Monica would argue that she was confused, and Chandler was still accusing her of cheating. The way they saw it, unless one of them let their guard down, a friendship would not even be possible between the two of them. Unfortunately, when Chandler set foot into his old bedroom, he found Monica on the bed looking depressed. Her eyes seemed as though they had been raining out tears. The pain was there. Both of their pain filled the room. There was tension; however the pain was stronger.

"I was just getting my things," Chandler explained. He hated this. He wanted to think that he was ok with this break up, but the truth was, he missed her. He missed being with her, laughing with her, opening up to her. He had never loved anyone like he loved her. Loved? Oh, who was he kidding? He was still deeply in love with her.

"Ok," Monica choked out. This was for the best, she thought. She was hurting, but she was sure that one day the pain would end, hopefully. "Where are you staying?"

'With Ross until I find a new place," replied Chandler while ripping all of his shirts from the closet aggressively.

"You can stay here," Monica offered. "The guest room is free."

"It's too hard to be around you, Mon," said Chandler avoiding eye contact at all costs. He wanted her back, and if he were to be living with her, it would just be that much harder to let go.

"I'm sorry," whispered Monica. 

"So am I," replied Chandler softly, yet there was a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "So, are you seeing him again?" Chandler asked not really wanting to know the answer. Ok, he was dying with curiosity.

"Yes, I am," Monica replied in a faint whisper. This must be hurting him so much, she thought. 

"That's good," Chandler commented forcefully. "I hope you'll be happy with him," Chandler again commented while finishing the rest of his packing. 

"No, you don't," corrected Monica still in a small whisper.

"You're right, I don't. Well, it looks like I am done here. I'll get the rest later." Chandler said loudly as if he was relieved. "See you around, Mon." As he finished saying her name, he walked out of the bedroom. He slowly walked through the apartment absorbing all of the past memories. That's all they were now, memories.

"Wait!" Monica yelled running out of her bedroom.

"What?" Chandler asked annoyed with her. She was ruining his mood.

"Uhh.. What should I do with the chair?" Monica asked wanting him to stay a little longer.

"Joey will be picking it up. It should be with it's match. We all should be." On that note, Chandler stormed out of the apartment leaving Monica surprised by his words. She stared at the door for what seemed an eternity. He was gone.

* * *

Monica arrived home from her second date with Greg to find both Rachel and Phoebe in her apartment arguing over how many more divorces Ross will have in his life time. When they noticed that Monica had entered, they quickly stopped their chattering and turned their attention to their frowning friend. 

"How was the date?" Phoebe asked in an uncaring voice. She wondered how Monica could move on so fast while Chandler was at Ross's playing with his dinosaurs figurines. God bless his soul, Phoebe though to herself.

"It was.. good." Monica replied, yet it was obvious she was lying.

"So it stunk?" Rachel cut in.

"Oh yeah. He's great and sweet and funny. He's perfect for me. He likes to keep things clean, and he's not witty like Chandler. He's smooth and sophisticated. Every thing I thought I wanted in a man." Monica sighed.

"Thought?" Phoebe asked referring to the past tense Monica had used.

"Yeah, I realized, I want the witty guy, the big kid. I ruined it." Monica smiled through tears as she sat on the couch with her two friends. "Chandler was what I wanted, and I didn't even realize it. Greg was my dream guy from when I was a girl. That perfect guy."

"So you're going to patch things up with Chandler?" Rachel asked hopefully. Almost sounding like an over enthusiastic teenager, but she didn't care. She wanted to see her best friend happy.

"No," Monica replied, "it's definitely over." Monica pointed out softy still with tears in her eyes.

"It doesn't have to be," Phoebe stated. 

"She's right, Mon. It's just a rough patch; you'll work through it." 

"I don't know you guys. I really miss him, but it's too complicated now."

"It doesn't have to be!"Phoebe yelled. " If you let your pride stop you from being with the man you love than you'll regret it! You will! My friend Tabitha went through the same thing, and now, she's a nun!"

"Whoa, Pheebs calm down." Rachel said soothingly as she rubbed her friend's arm.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. Oh wait, it was Abby who became the nun."

"So then what happened to Tabitha?"asked Monica skeptically. Did she really want to know the answer to this?

"Tabitha....oh! She opened a Salon in Canada" Phoebe said as her memory came back to her.

"Well, that's not so bad," commented Rachel.

"No, I guess not. Well, I guess it's ok if you and Chandler never get together again," Phoebe said. "But I still don't like it."

"I know. Well, I am tired, so I think I am going to turn in." Monica yawned. "Tomorrow is another day."

"Yes, it is, hun. You'll get through this."Rachel comforted.

"Thanks,"Monica replied and left the two. The cliche must be true, she thought. 'You never realize how much you love something until it's gone.'Maybe it won't be gone forever, Monica thought hopefully.

She slowly placed herself in bed and stared at the empty space beside her. Tears starting forming in her eyes, then dripping down her face, then turning into sobs. Monica couldn't help it. She couldn't hold back her tears. She just cried letting out all of her guilt and pain. Finally, the non-stop sobbing had exhausted her, and she had drifted off into a deep dreamless sleep.

* * *

Chandler sat up in bed reading his Archie comics hoping to smile at one of the lame jokes, but he couldn't. Smiling went against his heart. He was broken. He was lost. He couldn't show anyone the pain he was feeling because they would think he was weak. Well, they already knew he was weak; however, they would think he was weaker. In frustration, Chandler threw the book down and walked to the living room. Ross was out on a date, so he had the apartment to himself. Chandler flicked through the channels not really wanting to watch anything. He just wanted something to take his mind off the woman who lived across the street. Suddenly, a show caught his eyes, Family Matters. Steve Urkel could always make him smile, he thought. Coincidently, the show's theme was breaking up. Both Steve and the police man after Rachel were deep into song. They were belting the famous words to "Breaking Up is Hard to Do". The tune was a little off, but it didn't matter because Chandler was hypnotized by this song, and by the emotions behind it. One thing was for sure, breaking up was, in fact, hard to do. Chandler started to sing along, "Girl there's just no living without you. Don't take your love away from me. Don't you leave my heart in misery.." This was when Chandler broke down and started to cry. Why did it have to be so hard? 

* * *

Monica awoke, her eyes were tear stained. Her pillow was wet. Whether it was from drool or tears was undetermined, but either way, she didn't even want to clean it. Was she getting sick? Yeah, of love. When she walked out of her room, she saw four of her friends waiting impatiently for their breakfast. "Just eat some cereal," Monica said sadly as if she was fighting the urge to cry. Slowly, she made her way to the bathroom. 

"Is she going to be ok?" Joey asked worriedly.

"I don't know," Rachel replied while staring at the bathroom. 

"Come on guys, they'll get through this." Ross said cheerfully. He wasn't cheerful at all.

"I hope so," Joey said sadly. "Where's Chandler?"

"Checking out apartments," Ross answered. "He saw some ads. One of them is on the other side of the city."

"Is he trying to distance himself?" Joey asked not wanting Chandler to be so far. He would kick out Janine just to have him close by.

"I don't know. He said that was all that was available." Ross replied sadly. He didn't want Chandler to leave the group.

"Now, I get what you guys were saying about being the middle," Rachel said. Not really knowing where that thought came from, but it seemed to fit.

"Yeah, that was hard." Phoebe agreed.

Monica then entered the kitchen and went straight to the cupboards. "Can you guys not get cereal out?! I mean you get up, you open, and you take down. Is that so damn hard?!" Monica snapped. She was not mad at them, but she had to let out her anger.

"Good Morning to you too, Mon," Rachel said dumbfounded by her friends outburst.

"You expect me to do everything, and sometimes I can't do that! Now, to get out the milk, you open the fridge. Ohh, look at that! And then bowls and spoons. Can you handle that?!" She again snapped. She couldn't hold it in.

"Yeah, I think so," Joey said slowly not wanting to anger her any further.

"Good! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready or work!" Monica then stormed into her room slamming the door behind her.

"What's gotten into her?" asked Phoebe a little frightened.

"I don't know..Excuse me for a sec," Rachel said getting up and quickly walking to her friends room. When she walked in, she saw her friend, a sobbing mess, crying into her pillow. "Oh, Mon..." Rachel said rushing to her side hugging her. 

"I miss him, Rach. He doesn't even come over anymore.." Monica said through sobs.

"Shhh.. It's ok sweetie." whispered Rachel soothingly rubbing her back.

Monica softly pulled away and wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm ok now."

  
  


"Mon.." Rach said almost accusingly.

"Ok, I'm not, but please let me pretend." Monica pleaded. She was sick of this hurt, and she thought she was getting bored of Chandler. How wrong could she have been? She was just loving him more. "I need to get ready now." Monica said sternly and with a little power in her voice.

"Ok, I am here for you, Mon. Don't forget that." Rachel reminded as she was walking to the door.

"I know and thanks," Monica smiled. She was lucky to have such great friends.

* * *

The real estate agent was politely showing Chandler the apartment. Chandler had to admit, it was beautiful. Freshly painted white walls gave the room a nice tone, the kitchen had nice oak cupboards, the hard wood floor was beautiful, and the bedroom was spacious. He could really see himself living here. The only problem was that it was so far from his friends. From Monica. Maybe distance was what he needed to get over her. 

"So?" the woman asked smiling as she saw her customer's face in awe of this great place.

"Ummm.." Chandler contemplated. However, before he could say what he wanted to, his phone rang. "One second... Hello," Chandler greeted.

"He's what?! Uh huh.. Oh, that's too bad. Yeah, I know. Uh huh. Ok, expect me there. Alright, love you too, bye." Chandler walked away from the person and slumped to the floor. "I can't believe it. . ." He said.

"Sir, are you taking the apartment or not?" The woman asked frustrated. She had other places to show off.

"Oh yeah, I'll take it." Chandler said still in shock.

  
  


TBC- Ok, I thought this was an interesting cliffhanger, and no, this is not turning into a melodramatic Monica got hit by a bus, so don't worry about that. :p Anyway, tell me what you think. 


	4. LvL4

Well, I guess I should introduce this fic a little because it's a twist from just the simple break up for Chandler. People say to write what you have experienced, so I have kinda put two experiences together and meshed them and changed it and made it prettier :p..ok not prettier. It's not exactly where I have been, but whatever. I guess I wanted to dedicate this fic to a special man. In some ways, I guess I wanted to recreate his spirit and in others, I wanted to make this fic depressing :p.

I don't own anyone in this fic.

  
  


Chapter 4

  
  


Chandler walked into a hospital with a blank mind. He didn't know what to think, so he cleared his mind of thoughts. All he wanted to do was be there for the man who at one point meant the world to him. A man who would put a smile of his face when he felt it was impossible to smile. He had been there for him throughout his life, and all he wanted to do was see him.

"Are you family?" the nurse asked. 

"Yeah, the name is Chandler Bing." he replied looking around the waiting room. There were people near tears, people worrying, people who just focused on a part of the wall drifting away from the hurt. Chandler never thought he would be one of these people. 

A nurse came out of the room ushering one of the other people into the ICU, and at the same time, a young girl ran out with tears in her eyes. Running after her was an older woman who had also been crying. Obviously, they had just lost someone dear to them. Chandler was hoping that would not happen to him.

"Chandler Bing, he's ready for you." A nurse had called.

"But am I ready?" Chandler mumbled to himself. He wasn't. The sight was overbearing. A man, who had once been able to chase him around the yard or park was laying on that bed helplessly. Unaware that the world was slowly slipping away from him. His face was peaceful as if this was what he wanted, but he couldn't. Who would want to leave this world? Chandler immediately went to his side and took his hand into his. "Hey," he said gently. Inside he was breaking. Why did life have to be so unfair?

"Chandler," he said in a soft raspy voice, "What are you doing here?"

"Don't try to talk," Chandler commanded softly. He could tell it was a struggle. "I'll talk. I have never really thanked you for being there. When my dad ran off and when my mom had to go on tours, you were always there. You never let the maids and butlers take care of me. You were like a second father to me. When dad came back with his new life style, you were there for me and for him. I guess I never understood why."

"Chandler, you know I always thought you were special. We're all special, and we're all different. God must accept these variations, and we also must. Chandler, I am so proud you." the man replied taking his free hand and softy placing it on Chandler's cheek physically showing his nephew how proud he was. 

Chandler couldn't help the tears that were forming in his eyes. They stung to the point where he wanted to close them; however, he wanted to be strong for this man who was trying to reciprocate. Knowing that this man was proud of him was enough to fill an ocean of happy tears. Although, the thought of losing him held back those happy feelings and distraught feelings took over. "You can't leave me here. It's been so long, and I never really got a chance to thank you."

"You don't have to. I know you appreciate all I have done. Family is the most important thing in life, and we have to stick together. We'll always have the past, and the future," he assured; however, it was simple to see that he was slowly slipping away.

"I love you. . ." Chandler cried out.

"I know, son. I know.." as he was trying to finish the sentenced he drifted off into a deep sleep softly snoring.

Chandler looked down at his face, and he smiled. He did look peaceful.

* * *

"Have you guys seen Chandler?" Ross asked as he entered Monica's apartment. Everyone had been there gossiping about their day and what they had seen on the street. The unimportant things in life.   
  


"No, maybe he had to work late." Rachel suggested knowing that the words working late and Chandler didn't match at all.

"I'm a little worried," Joey said. "He always comes to see us after work to complain about his dull job."

"You know that he's not ready to come here," Ross interjected softly hoping Monica would not hear him, yet she did hear him. The sound of his name caused her eyes to widen, her body to tense.

"I... uh.. I have to take out the trash," Monica spat out. She didn't want another "it's going to be okay, honey" speech. She loved her friends' support; she expected it, but this was something she had to get through on her own. Monica gently grabbed the white semi-filled trash bag and walked out of her apartment. To her surprise, she saw Chandler sitting on the step looking at a picture oblivious to the world around him. Who was that a picture of, she wondered.

Chandler knew she had walked out. He didn't have to look up because he could sense it was her. Anyone else would have greeted him at first sight and at one time, she would have too. Now, it was awkward, tense. He finally tore his sad eyes from the picture and looked at her.

Monica titled her head to see that it was a man in the picture. Why was Chandler so distraught about a man? She wanted to ask but would she be crossing a line? Was there a line to cross? She saw him take away his focus on the picture to look at her. He was hurting. That look in his eyes was telling her that. Was it she? Was she the one causing that much pain? 

The silence was unbearable. Chandler stared right at her as if there was no where else to look, but she couldn't reciprocate. She kept her eyes on her hands which were delicately holding the trash bag. The silence had to end. 

Chandler finally decided he should say something, "Monica," he spoke. It was shaky as if he were ready to cry or had been crying. He was a man. Men are strong, aren't they? After he said her name, he looked at the picture again.

Monica, sensing he needed her support, sat by his side still not saying a word. She just looked at him and then at the picture and then him again. There was more to his hurt than her. A lot more than her.

"His name is Roddy. He's my uncle." Chandler stated as if it were the hardest thing to say. Well, not the hardest because what he would say next would be twice as hard. "He had a massive heart attack yesterday." Ok, he got through that part and here was the next. "He's dead."

Monica saw the tears fall from his eyes. She didn't know how to react to what he had just told her. Were there words that would make the pain go away? Of course not. Instead she hugged him. She let him cry on her shoulder. "Oh, Chandler.." she soothed.

Chandler let her hug him for a few seconds, but he couldn't be this intimate with her. He didn't know if he could handle her support right now, but he needed it. He couldn't deny the need he had for her support, but was that support only out of pity. He did not know. "I went to see him at the hospital today. He was still alive, but he didn't look well. I talked to him, held his hand. Then he fell asleep..." Chandler started to cry again. "As I was leaving, he passed away. His heart was not strong enough." Saying these words made what had happened become reality. Before it was surreal, in the clouds, but now after admitting it, it was real. Very real.

Monica wanted to be supportive, but in truth, she had no idea who this man was. Chandler never talked about him, and she didn't understand why he was hurting. They had been close, yet not as close as she thought they were. "Chandler, if he was so special to you, why didn't you ever mention him?"

"He was in the past. He was family, and we never talked about family. Maybe our parents and grandparents. See, he was like my second father. He never had kids of his own because he married late, and his wife died of cancer shortly after. He never moved on because he felt that if he did, he would betray her. Anyway, when my dad came out of the gay closet and left for a while to find "himself" and then my mom went to Paris for a few years to get some hands on you know for her books, I was left alone."

"I thought you went to boarding school," Monica said.

"Yeah, I did, but I came home on holidays and in the summer. Who was supposed to take care of me then? The butler? He ran off with dad!" Chandler said with anger in his voice.

"So this uncle took care of you?" Monica asked, knowing it was the obvious answer.

"He took care of everyone, but yes, he took care of me. I would visit him, and we would go to the park or talk. He took me to meet parts of the family I never knew. I'll tell you this, the man loved his family."

Monica just looked at him thankful he opened up to her like this. It showed they would get through this rough patch. "He sounds great."

"He was."

Once again, she hugged him with so much force. She wished this hug could take away all of his sorrows, his hurt. As they were in their embrace, Joey walked out and saw the two together. Were they back together? He softly cleared his throat.

The two of them quickly broke their hug and looked up at Joey. 

"Are you two?..." Joey asked with hope in his eyes.

"No," Monica replied knowing exactly what he was talking about. She knew Chandler wasn't ready to say this all again to someone. Once was hard enough. "Someone close to him passed away." Monica said softly.

"Oh, Chandler," Joey said crouching down. "I am so sorry, man"

Chandler just nodded at his best friend. He knew that Joey meant what he said just by the look in his eyes. It was as if he was hurting with him. "Thanks, man."

"Come inside guys." Monica spoke up.

They walked inside and once again Chandler told the story to the group. Again, reality hit him hard but opening up in a sense helped or would help. Right now it was terribly hard. Too hard. However, they were all supportive and for the first time in a week, the awkwardness of the recent break up vanished from the room. All that was there was the distraught feelings of sadness and the supporting and loving feelings surrounding it. In that room, there were six friends coming together instead of drifting apart.

* * *

Minutes passed, hours passed, days passed, yet the hurt, the sorrow still remained. Chandler hated this feeling, but he was coming accustomed to it. First he lost Monica and then he lost his uncle. The question going through his mind was "who's next". The more he tried to think happy thoughts, the more he realized that he didn't have any. 

Chandler looked around his new home. Sadly, he did not have any furniture, so he would be forced to go out and buy some. It was expensive, but he didn't want to have to sit on the floor like a dog all through the day. Although, he did have some personal belongings. He had a few boxes in storage that he never really got the chance to show off in his other places, and he had the few from Monica's and even one from Joey's. The apartment was so empty which matched the feeling in his heart.

Suddenly, there was a loud noise which had interrupted Chandler's sulking time. He finally realized that it was coming from the door. Oh, shit, someone is here, he thought to himself while wiping the tears from his eyes and straightening his messed up hair. The person knocked again louder each time. Yet, there was no voice following these knocks. Chandler, walking slowly like an old man then opening the door. 

"Hey," He said slowly.

"Chandler, I heard about what happened. I am so sorry," The person said while hugging him tightly.

"Melissa, how did you know I lived here? How did you know about..." Chandler asked flabbergasted that she knew this. He never told her, and the last time he had made contact with her was when he caught Monica on that date.

"I ran into Joey in that little coffee house your told me about.. Central... oh, it was a cute name!" sighed Melissa. She was frustrated that she couldn't remember such a name.

"Perk," Chandler finished with a small smirk on his face. How could anyone forget that name?

"That's right! Anyway, he told me you lived here, and he told me about your uncle" she explained. "Are you ok?"

"No, but with every heavy rainfall you got that damn silver lining, right?" Chandler smiled trying to make the hurt easier.

"Of course there is. Like when my hamster died the other day.. I got a new one. Ok, that is not the same thing, is it?" Melissa asked while scrunching her nose as if deep in intellectual thought.

"No, but nice try," Chandler smiled. "So, do you want to come in? I have no where to sit, but we could always pretend we're in a Japanese restaurant."

"That sounds.. Boring." Melissa smiled. "I say we go get something to sit on!"

"You mean go shopping?" Chandler asked wearily.

"No, I mean we make it out of cardboard boxes! Of course I mean go shopping!" Melissa exclaimed using large body language to illustrate her point.

"You know, you are so much like me that it is scary." Chandler smiled. She once again brightened up his day.

"Well, that's good. I like being scared." Melissa smiled.

"Cute." Chandler smiled.

"I know." Melissa grinned taking his arm. "Now, let's go make your place pretty!"

As the two walked away with linked arms, Monica stepped out from where she was hiding. That was the girl he was at the restaurant with, and now she's with him when he's been kicked down the most. Has he moved on? She didn't think so. As least they didn't seem like there were a couple. All Monica knew what that she was jealous. She shouldn't be, for their break up was based on the fact that she wanted another man; however, she wanted to be there for Chandler and hold him thus meaning she was jealous. Monica slowly ran her hands through her hair and began to dejectedly walk out of the building. She felt like she had lost him. 

TBC

Yep, it wasn't the best, but oh well. It's leading somewhere hopefully. This series isn't getting much feedback.. *sad puppy dog eyes* You can say it sucks, I won't snap at you. :p


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